tender panic

the coffee shop of my adolescence
is attacking me

I enter the same doors as before
as well as the feeling
of a never ending merry-go-around

found a place to sit amidst
the fog between the eyes
of a million lives it feels like

but truly there are only five
5 pairs of eyes and 5 minds
trying to find their own way
through the same day

if I could I would
and if I were okay I would stay
here sinking into this tiny space my body faces
lips fixed
mind shut
throat cut off from oxygen

what if they speak to me
what if they see me sitting here
while I grin and bear
until I find some otherworldly
way to stare back
in my lack of humanness

the less I am the more I’ll be
the more I find
the kinder heart I bare
tears me apart sometimes
and all in the line of duty
I choose to forgive and all at once forget myself

-D.