should we end things
dreading an endless walk for its obvious destination would lead us to where we never set foot before
not together anyhow
the body didn’t want to cooperate at first for it knew change was about to bestow itself upon us and it’s the bodies’ nature to dislike change until it’s actually happening and we can suddenly remember how to breathe again
silly minds and their patterns wiggling their way into our days
so there we went into the late morning afternoon even quite sunny with a hint of rain and I was most definitely dressed for the occasion all in white my lucky outfit as some kind of hope it would save the day as if it needed saving
there we went my stomach in a big knot and him eating as if he hadn’t eaten in days there in front of me and there I was staring at the croissants entering his mouth wondering if I was going to vomit right there and then in that alleyway
everything suddenly heightened
the smells sounds people rushing by with feelings of their own and places to be and in front of me his eyes that I didn’t dare look into in that very moment his perfect hair and the sudden realisation that it probably wouldn’t be mine to touch for much longer as if I had owned parts of him before
temporary worries that faded as we entered cafe after cafe and had coffee after coffee after every one of which I felt more and more comfortable a little more detached from each other with each cup and with every sip entering our suddenly eager mouths
and with every slight release a relaxedness that made us talk more freely than we’d ever done before
we ran into all sorts of people old friends and new acquaintances that asked us what we were doing after which we simultaneously repeatedly blurted out with a sincere smile on our faces
we’re breaking up today
we talked about everything we never dared to the relief written all over our now not so trying faces
who knew letting go could be so binding
he never demanded my freedom from me and yet I had restrained myself overtime
I am after all a champion at fitting myself into spaces that were never mine to begin with
but it felt so lovely being touched by him
regardless - whether it was now or yesterday or never again
it still does - even if we did go our separate ways that day
-D.
